


How the Decepticons Gave Santa a Season Off

by PhantomPhan16, VicenteValtieri



Series: Role Playing Fanfiction [12]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Holiday, Presents, Santa Clause
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 19:59:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13131036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomPhan16/pseuds/PhantomPhan16, https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicenteValtieri/pseuds/VicenteValtieri
Summary: It all starts with Starscream's dumb idea for a prank and spirals out of control





	How the Decepticons Gave Santa a Season Off

As usual, it started out with something Starscream did. Specifically, he forced the Decepticons to watch eighteen straight hours of human holiday films surrounding "Christmas." From Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer to Home Alone to Arthur Christmas. It was a marathon that no one wanted to take part in at first, but eventually they all ended up absorbed. Well, except for a few mechs.  
Megatron was one. He found it beyond annoying.

"For Primus's sake! Shut that noise off and get back to work! We're fighting a war!" He fumed at his soldiers.

All he got was rounding, "Shhh!"

He grouched to himself and folded his arms continuing to watch the human drivel.

By now his men had even started to sing along. It was disgraceful.

Astrotrain laughed. "This little human kid has the right idea! Isn't he cute? Look at the traps he's set up."

"These humans must be very resilient to withstand those traps." Hook pointed out.

Hilarity ensued as the burglars stood no chance against the boy's homemade traps. "We should celebrate Christmas," said Skywarp.

"Why not? We can get some human trees and cover them with lights." Thundercracker agreed.

Swindle, with his usual attitude, spun his pen. "Of course, you won't be able to find a better deal for Christmas Presents than with me!"

"Oh, really?" Vortex rolled his optics.

"Yep. I'll even throw in free gift-wrapping!"

"We are not celebrating this stupid human holiday!" Megatron snapped.

"Don't be such a Scrooge, Megatron." Starscream scolded. "It's a lot of fun!"

"No, Starscream! It is pointless! We are fighting a war!"

"So? We can have an armistice. Like those humans in the last movie."

"We will do no such thing!"

There was a sigh of disappointment and the Decepticons groaned. "But we could use a break. We always fight the Autobots and we never gain any real ground."

"And we will keep fighting until we've destroyed them!"

The Decepticons went back to watching the movies, ideas brewing in their processors. So, after hours, they gathered in the common room again while Megatron rested in his quarters.

Starscream, of course, had an idea. "I have an idea. And if we're careful, we can celebrate Christmas, make fun of the humans, and have an all-around good time, all under Megatron's nose."

"Lets have it, Star," said Thundercracker.

"Let's play a prank on the humans. It's November now, so the little human children will be writing their letters to Santa Claus. If we gather those letters, find a way to make or gather the toys, and then deliver them, we can trick them into thinking he's real."

"Even though we're trying to kind of... take over their world?"

"Oh, that doesn't mean we can't have fun with it." Vortex grinned, snapping his fingers. "Astrotrain, wasn't there a movie about a magical train last night?"

"The Polar Express, yes."

"So what's the plan?"

"Well, Soundwave, can your little ones infiltrate the mail service and divert any letters to Santa Claus?" Starscream looked over at him.

He nodded.

"Then get them on that. Swindle, I'm going to put you in charge of acquiring toys and gifts of all kinds, so you and the Combaticons work on making a directory and database. My Seekers and I will help. Hook, can you and your gestalt build a machine to wrap the gifts?"

"No problem, Star, but... how do we do all this without Megatron noticing?"

"Very carefully. Soundwave won't tell on us, so that cuts off half the problem. The rest of it will involve keeping everything out of Scrooge's sight. We can use my quarters to store gifts: I have free space. We won't need to keep the letters to Santa, so as soon as they're scanned, get them in the incinerator, but don't miss a single letter in that database."

"Right," they chorused.

"Okay. Shockblast, Thunderwing, get on holiday greenery. Start growing holly and poinsettias. We'll need them. I'll build a holomatter avatar for each of us: Elves. Hook, when you're done with the gift-wrapping machine, see if you can find a way to convert Blast Off's Alt-mode to a sleigh, temporarily."

"Sure thing."

The Decepticons set to their preperations. Keeping it a secret wasn't hard, the Nemesis was a large ship and Soundwave was, for once, not informing Megatron on what was going on.

The days ticked by and they worked and worked.

"Aww... Read this one, Stars." Skywarp leaned over to show him. "She wants a winter coat for the child next door because he doesn't have one."

"Melissa Anders, NY, West Street, Apartment 56." Starscream wrote it down. "Coat for the child next door... And a doll for herself."

"Aww."

"Adorable. Keep reading." Starscream told him.

Starscream opened one and read it. "Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is for my parents to stop fighting and hitting me. Just for one day. Cas Taylor, NY, West Street, Apartment 58."

"Oh... That's awful. The poor girl."

"I think it's a boy, Skywarp."

"Well, I have a letter right here." Thundercracker reset his vocalizer. "Dear Santa. I know we are a little old to be writing to you, but we have been trying for a child for five years now and we are unable to have children. Please, send us a child for our own."

Starscream sighed. "There's nothing we can do about that." "What about the little one being abused?" Skywarp asked with big optics.

"Santa doesn't kidnap children from their parents and take them elsewhere, even if it is merited..." Starscream tried to hold firm.

"I don't think they'd care if they treat him like that. We could take better care of a human kid than they are." "Sky-" Thundercracked tried.

"PLEASE Stars? PLEASE? I promise, if we just help this one little child find his way to his real parents, I'll never play a prank on you again!"

"And where would we take, Sky? Just drop him off with the people from Thunder's letter? It doesn't work that way."

"It's Christmas! There has to be a way! There's always a way!"

"Tell you what, Skywarp. If you can find a way to do it, we can. But it has to be airtight, so that there's no way they'll take him back."

"Okay! It shouldn't be hard."   
"You've got four days."   
"... Okay it'll be a little hard."

Skywarp dashed off to research child custody laws while Starscream and Thundercracker kept reading and making lists.

Skywarp worked tirelessly as more letters of abuse came.

In the meantime, Swindle was working equally hard, though not without complaint, on acquiring the perfect gifts. "You have any idea how hard it is to find 120000 Princess Pees Her Pants dolls, Starscream? I'm doing my best!"

"Why is that even a thing?!"

"I have no idea! You're the one who catalogued them!" Swindle showed him the final lists of toys, clothes, and otherwise. "And talk about trying to find an orange for every child in the world! It's insane!"

"Hey, Stars, what about that replicator you were working on?" Thundercracker questioned. "Could we use that?"

"Good idea, Thunder! I'll go get it."

The replicator worked doubletime in those last days of hurry as the Decepticons worked to throw materials into it and continue its production. Hook's gift-wrapping and bow-tying machine worked just as hard.

And, of course, it was when everything was almost perfect and all was right in the world that Megatron found out.

He was furious and went right for the closest thing. Skywarp's ready list of matches and datapad working on matching children and parents.

"No, Megatron! Please!" Skywarp grabbed the list out of his servos as he furiously read it. "This is important!" The teleporter had been working tirelessly with Astrotrain to inform parents and orphans that they would be adopted into forever families soon enough. He had been cutting through skepticism and red-tape for almost a week as he moved mountains to make sure that every child who wrote asking for parents and every parent asking for children got the perfect one.

Others came at his shouts, and Megatron was buried beneath furious Decepticons.

"We've worked so hard and you're not going to spoil this!" Astrotrain cried, grabbing for the nearest restraint: A bolt of ribbon.

The others grabbed more, and Megatron was soon bound and gagged with brightly colored Christmas ribbon.

Starscream helped to drag the warlord into a closet and lock him in. "That should hold him until we all get home in the morning! Astrotrain, you should have headed out an hour ago. Skywarp, get your holomatter avatar and help Astrotrain get to the rest of the 'Polar Express!'"

"You got it!"

"Blast Off, get into your sleigh mode for final touching up and present loading. I've designed your Avatar to be Santa Claus and there will be reindeer in front of you when you fly. The rest of the Combaticons and Constructicons will be your elves. Keep to your timetables, people, and we'll get through the night just fine! I'll be here in Mission Control keeping an optic on everyone. Now get to it!"

They raced off, and the night began.

Astrotrain and Skywarp met the beautifully decorated and stocked railroad cars. They would be in holomatter form, taking care of all the little ones as they rode on the Polar Express. They were responsible for any and all living presents and there were three cars reserved for pets going to their own forever homes, while most of them would be occupied by children. Skywarp brewed Hot Chocolate in the Dining car and distributed treats, fruits, new clothes, and other gifts up and down. At last, they pulled up in front of the first house, where a group of frightened and anticipating children were waiting. Skywarp and Blast Off, as Santa and Mrs. Claus, in engine regalia, stepped off. "Merry Christmas, little ones!"

Skywarp was nervous, though. He had not found a match for Cas, the one from two letters his own and the neighbor child that had wanted a coat for him, but Cas was not waiting. "I'll go check if he's coming for the ride," he told Astrotrain.

Cas's parents had OD'd a few days before Christmas. While Astrotrain greeted and loaded the children, getting them comfortable, Skywarp came up to find Cas with his hands between his knees, looking down at the floor. "Little one? Aren't you going to come for a ride on the Polar Express?"

Cas looked up at him, horror mirrored in his deep, blue eyes. He was so young to go through what he had.

Skywarp sat beside him and set a hand on his shoulder. "Please, at least come for the ride. It will be fun, I promise."

He picked up a toy robot and went out to the train.

As they rode, Skywarp made sure to pay special attention to him in between his other duties. His special ability made him able to be everywhere at once in holomatter form and he tied bows around each puppy's neck as he fluffed little girls' hair and smoothed down little boys'. Each child riding got a cup of hot cocoa, a small bag of candies, and a new set of clothes to meet their family in.

Cas got it all, too,... all except the new family. He drank his cocoa and played with his robot. The more Skywarp looked at it, though, the more real it looked.

"That's a very nice toy, little one. Where did you get it?"

"I made it."

"Really? That's so interesting. Is it a real robot?"

"Uh-huh." He stared. Cas was only 8 yet he was making something like this? "I had a controller, but it got broke."

"You know, I bet Santa can find you a new one." Skywarp assured him.

"Santa isn't real. I started writing to Jesus. I asked Him to make my parents go away so they'd stop hurting me."

"Oh, you poor thing... Do you think it's your fault that they died?"

"I wanted them to leave." He looked up at Skywarp with tears in his eyes. "They wanted to die because they didn't want to be bothered by my anymore," he choked out.

"Shh... No, Cas. They died because they were horrible people doing something dangerous. It wasn't your fault." Skywarp hugged him.

The child clung to him and sobbed. Skywarp opened his com. *Star...*

*Skywarp, your ETA to your first stop is three minutes. Is there a problem?*

He opened the comm so Starscream could hear Cas sobbing out his parents' final, hateful words and strikes before he found them in their bedroom and bathroom... dead.

*...All right... What do you want?*

*He needs a home, Star. He'll break in the orphanage.*

*...Then we'll give him one.*

One by one the children were brought to their new homes, gifts were delivered, and finally only Cas remained on the train.

It had been a long night. All the Decepticons were tired. Human media was buzzing and Soundwave had set up their systems to record all of the information and bulletins on what the humans thought of that Christmas, when every person in the world had received gifts from Santa Claus and Santa himself had brought children to their parents in a train that didn't need tracks to run.

Skywarp sat with Cas. "This... isn't the way to the orphanage."

"You're not going back to the orphanage, little one. You're coming to live with me and my brothers."

"Cas, there's something very important I'm going to tell you about me and my brothers." "What?"

"We're not really humans. We're robots."

"Robots?" He nodded. "Giant robots, and we live with a bunch of other giant robots."

"Really? That's... so cool!"

He chuckled. "I'm glad you think so. Some aren't so nice, though, so you'll need to stay close. I'm sure we can find something for you to do pretty easily. You seem good with tech, I bet you'll be a big help."

Cas leaned into him. "I'll do my best."

Starscream greeted the returning Decepticons. "Good job. We have two hours until Christmas Morning, everyone. Fantastic! Now, everyone get to your berths. Santa doesn't come until everyone is in recharge!" He teased.

They parted with laughter, and Cas was wide-eyed, sitting on Skywarp's shoulder.

"Hello, little Cas." Starscream and Thundercracker smiled at the human.

"Hi."

"I made you a bed in our quarters." Starscream told the human. "Let's get you to it. It's been a long night for all of us and Christmas is still coming. I can't wait to see what the humans make of our prank."

"Prank? Pranks are mean. This was nice," Cas said, still clutching his robot.

"Pranks are tricks you play so you can laugh at them. This qualifies." Starscream argued as they walked down the corridors to their quarters. "Let's get to berth, everyone. I'm exhausted."

Cas looked at Skywarp as he was gently tucked in. "What do I call you?"

"Just Skywarp for now. Starscream is more mothering than I am anyday. And this is Thundercracker, my mate."

"Hi."

"Hello, little one." Thundercracker tucked him into the little bed they had made for him.

"I... I always wanted a mom... like other kids."

"Well, I guess that will be me." Starscream sighed, laying down. His holomatter Avatar appeared at Cas's bedside and brushed a hand over his forehead. "Primus knows neither of these idiots could manage."

"We'll just be the really cool uncles." Cas leaned into Starscream's caress, soaking up the gentleness.

Starscream curled up with their new child and they all fell into a deep recharge.

They woke to cries of surprise and delight from throughout the base.

Cas sat up in fright, and Starscrean gently scooped him up.

"Ugh. Let's see what... Hey. Who put these stockings here?" Starscream reached to the end of his berth and grabbed his.

Skywarp ran in. "Hurry Starscream! There are presents! For you!"

"For me? You shouldn't have, Skywarp."

"I didn't!"

"What?" "Everyone who worked last night has stuff, but none of us did any of it! Look! Even Cas has more stuff!"

Cas looked at the end of his bed and saw a Christmas tree piled with gifts and decorated with fruits and treats. There was a stocking as well. Starscream picked the whole thing up and carried it with them into the main room where the Decepticons were cavorting like children, comparing gifts and laughing.

Optics turned to the new, little member of the group, who clutched his new mother's thumb.

"Cas, do you know who did this?"

Cas took in the decorated room on the Nemesis, the tree covered in tinsel and more appropriate treats for Cybertronians, the presents overflowing into the room. "...I don't know. But look: On the tree, there's an envelope."

Starscream picked it off. "It has my name on it."

He opened it and began to read.

"Dear Starscream, Thank you for giving us such a magnificent vacation... Your efforts and the efforts of those around you allowed me and my elves a season off. So, we decided to make your own Christmas wishes come true this season."

He stared in shock. "I..." He looked around at the others.

"...Unfortunately, Starscream, I couldn't give you exactly what you wanted, but I think... I think you'll find you've earned it for yourself. You should also be ready to receive visitors, because I took the liberty of ensuring Christmas Dinner was prepared and guests were invited. I think they'll come, and I left their presents beneath your tree as well, as incentive."

Starscream looked up. "Signed, Santa Claus."

Skywarp checked under the tree.

"Hey... These packages over here are for Optimus Prime... And these are for Bumblebee!"

"The Autobots. Okay... now... I believe." He sat down, and his own gifts were set around him. He gently set Cas on the table beside him. "Go ahead, honey, open your gifts," he told the boy.

Cas smiled and took the first gift, savoring it in his hands as he gently tore the wrapping paper. Outside, the sound of music reached their ears, as did knocking at the tower's entrance.

"Gee... That sounds like caroling." Skywarp commented. "Let's go see who it is!"

He scampered to see, along with a few others as Starscream stayed to watch Cas open his gifts.

"A teddy bear!" Cas lifted it up to show him. "It's so soft!"

"It's adorable, sweetspark." He hugged it to him as Optimus, Bumblebee, Wheeljack, Ratchet, Jazz, and some others were led in by the ones who had gone to check. The Autobots weren't prepared for a human child in the presence of the fierce Winglord.

"Hello, Optimus Prime." Starscream half-waved.

"Starscream. Where's Megatron?"

"You know, I don't remember. We tied him up last night and stuffed him in a closet."

"You... what?"  
"Yep. He tried to ruin our night so we tied him up, threw him in a closet, and left him to himself. By the way this is Cas."  
Cas held up something. "A new robotics kits, Mom!"

"That's great, honey." Starscream smiled down at him. "Why don't you show it to Wheeljack? But don't let him try to help you with it. He'll just blow it up."

The inventor ambled over. "Hey, kiddo."  
"Hi."

Optimus sat down in a chair near Starscream as his men swarmed the tree with the Decepticons, sorting the remaining presents. "So... I take it last night's miracles were you all?"

"Miracles?"

"That's what the humans are calling it. I take it you haven't seen the news yet."

"Hook, turn on the human news!”

Hook grabbed the controller and turned on the media screens.

"...The world is reeling after this Christmas night. Multiple sightings of a flying sleigh have rocked the world as have the mysterious appearance of Christmas gifts at every corner of the globe. I'm here with the students of Yakimiri High, who have pictures of what appear to be elves filling stockings..." Hook changed the channel to a different news station.

All over the world it was covered and being called miracles. Optimus smiled at the Seeker. "Nicely done." "Thank you." "Mom, look!" Starsream looked at once at his new son. He was holding up a sketch book and artist pencils.

"That's lovely, Cas. Make sure you draw something for me."

"Yes, Mom!" Optimus smiled and nodded to the boy questioningly.

Just then, Hook found a station covering their activities as the Polar Express. "...Today is a day of great joy as orphans from around the world have been matched with families. I'm here with the Hopkins of Massachusetts, whose adopted twins were delivered by a train driven by none other than Santa and Mrs. Claus themselves. What do you have to say to the world, Mrs. Hopkins?"

"I just want to say that... it's a miracle, and... I can't thank them enough."

"And you two?" The reporter bent down to smile at twin little girls with identical smiles, pigtails, and warm down coats and knitted hats. "Do you have something to say?"

"Thank you, Santa!"

"Similar happy stories are being told around the globe as parents and children wake up on this Christmas morning, completed families together for the first time."

Cas climbed up Starscream's arm, and he quickly brought a servo under him in case he fell.

"We couldn't find a human family for Cas." Starscream explained. "So we had to take him in ourselves."

"I see. I hope it works out." Cas was coloring away at his sketch pad, tucking himself against the Seeker.

"Of course it will." Starscream nuzzled Cas.

"Um, Mom?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Um,... I'm hungry."

"Well, Santa mentioned something about Christmas dinner in his letter. Let's go into that." Starscream stood up and picked Cas up.

"Okay. Can I ride on your shoulder?"

"Sure." Starscream set him up on his shoulder and the party trooped into the mess hall, which had been decorated just as beautifully and was filled with delicious dishes.

"Wooow," Cas said. "You said it, kid," Jazz agreed.

"Well, let's sit down to dinner. Everyone find your place. I have to take care of something." Starscream set Cas down. "I'll be right back, darling."

"Oh, okay, Mom."

Starscream made his way to the closet where they had left Megatron.

He opened it, and the warlord glared at him.

"Wipe that look off your faceplates. It's Christmas." Starscream grabbed the bow over his mouth and ripped it off.

"Starscream! Untie me at once!"

"Hush you. Listen. No one out there cares about you anymore. I'm officially taking over the Decepticons. You can accept that, come out, and eat dinner with the family, or you can rot here in your wrapping for all I care. So, what'll it be?"

"Family? We're soldiers!" "Not anymore. Last night we all showed you we don't care what you think or say. We're tired of fighting for your ego."

"Oh, so you're all going to make toys and insipid little decorations for human children for the rest of your lives?"

"I don't know, but we're done fighting over a world we can't even go back to. Cybertron is lost, and many lives with it. We're done fighting."

"...I suppose that leaves me stuck then."

Starscream sighed and hauled him up, untying him. "Come, eat, and let the war die."

Megatron followed after the new Leader of the Decepticons, feeling more than a little lost.

Back at the table, the mechs were just pulling Christmas Crackers and most were wearing the paper hats contained within.

Optimus gently held a tiny human one in his finger and thumb for Cas, and the child pulled it, giggling. Everyone looked as Megatron came in, and the mood shift sent Cas under Optimus' servo.

Starscream coughed. "Megatron won't be causing trouble. In fact, I think he might have something to say to us all before we set in to eat."

Everyone waited, even as Optimus curled his servo protectively around Cas.

Megatron gave Starscream a hard glare. The Seeker snapped his digits. "Oh, what a goose. Hang on a moment." He picked up one of the boxes he had unwrapped, reached in and pulled out a tiara. Handing it to Megatron, he smiled sweetly. "Well, don't keep us waiting, my loyal Second."

And Megatron crowned Starscream, glaring and humiliated all the way.

"Starscream will now be leading the Deceptions," he ground out. Cas peeked out as the tank stomped to his place. Starscream sat down, and Megatron watched the human child run from Prime to the Seeker.

Starscream smiled sweetly at the table, especially at Megatron, daring him to say anything. Wisely, he held his tongue. "Well, then, now that we're all here. Dig in."

There was a small feast of human food for Cas, more than he could eat, and Starscream planned to save it for his little one. "How did that one ghost movie end?" Hook asked. "God bless us, everyone!" Skywarp crowed.


End file.
